Sunday, August 10, 2008

what a rollercoaster week...

I think the last 2 weeks I've just been through were the hardest ones emotionally I've ever been through. Even the week before my wedding wasn't as hard as what I've just gone through.

I managed to make myself very ill with all the emotions I was having, and am on antibiotics for a throat infection, a particularly nasty one which gave me an abcess at the back of my throat, making swallowing almost impossible. My blood pressure dived, dizziness hit, chills, cold sweats, you name it. Real mess.
I guess just all the stress and emotions finally took their toll on me. I think my last post was around the beginning of it all, and it shows! What a rant! I'm not sure I wanna delete it or not, as it represents part of what I went through, and although it might seem slightly masochistic to keep it, it's no doubt a good reminder of how weird your mind can get when you're sick!
Just bizarre shit your mind can focus on and blame and all the venomous crap it can come up with... apologies to all my Chinese friends out there... just don't sing karaoke near me yeah?

I'm on the mend now, and feeling a lot more positive about my journey into the unknown. I have pretty much 'let go' of the fear of my kids missing me and me missing them and Diana. I have a more happy, positive and clear image about myself, my situation and how the kids will be without me around for a little while.

I think this is the last time I ever want to go through this again. I'm all for adventure, but next time the kids will be older etc so not as many concerns and worries about them.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Perth and the Olympics...

I leave for Perth in 13 days. I will be there by myself for up to 2 months before the kids and Dee arrive, and to be honest, I'm not looking forward much to being alone again! I thought I'd be really looking forward to full nights of sleep, only looking after myself, eating when I want, watching what I want etc... the typical bachelor lifestyle.
But all I can think about is how much I'm gonna miss my kids and Dee. I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise, but for any of you that know me, I've always been keen for some 'me' time, and now I'm getting as much as I can handle, I don't really want it!
As Oscar Wilde said, 'there are 2 tragedies in life - one is not getting what you want; the other is getting it'. He was so right.

Still, if I get work fast, which I'm sure I will, then I'll have plenty to keep me busy. It's just night time when you notice the quiet!

As for the bloody Olympics, I for one won't be watching a minute. I am sick of China this, China that, China in my bloody face. They shouldn't have been given the games and I don't give a hoot how much money they have or how much face they think they deserve. You have to EARN respect, not demand it.

Am I the only one who is finding it difficult to deal with the Chinese? I mean, here's a culture which is extremely phobic about making an arse of itself and drawing negative attention to itself, but they all sing KARAOKE like no-one's around???????? They're the noisiest buggers around, can't take a joke and are quite happy to tell you you're fat, but GOD forbid if you say they need to reciprocate with a bit of decorum themselves! You'll be vilified for 'offending' the EASILY OFFENSIBLE Chinese.

There are days when they don't seem so bad, and that's most definitely down to my thinking more than anything. I was brought up to believe that Chinese were respectful, quiet (!?!?!?) and conservative. The last one is for sure! But they ARE getting better, albeit the younger generation finally giving the older one the heave-ho for good. But as Prince Charles famously put it, during the 'Great Chinese Take-Away' of 1997, the leaders of China are just a bunch of 'boring old waxworks who clap at the appropriate moment'. Not a single one of them would have an individual thought or opinion.

Anyway, that's enough ranting about them, so I intend to focus on things I like and want, not the other way around. And please, Westerners, stop selling them everything we value just because they have some fucking money! Do what's right, not what's easy. Go to school, learn to spell and write, and stop selling yourselves to the highest bidder! Do you honestly think the Chinese would???

sigh. That feels better. Beer anyone?

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Secret of Life

Just read 'The Secret'. The Law of Attraction works. Absolutely.

Whatever you focus your attention and energy on, good or bad, is what you will get.

Ask yourself constantly, 'is this what I REALLY want?' If what you're thinking about is something you don't want, shift your focus to what you DO want. Allow it to happen. Believe it WILL happen and don't worry about HOW it happens.

Practice this always. You will change your life because you are now in control of creating your world. You are now responsible for your life. Whatever bad is happening in your life right now is because you asked it to happen. You focussed on it enough and believed in it enough for it to happen.

Focus on what you want and you will get it.

Simple. Powerful. Empowering.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

um, that was a while...

Howdy everyone,

That was a bit of a wee break from the last post eh? A bit has happened since then... finally had a new baby, a girl, my dear little Keira Nadine Winn. Born May 11th at 1.46am and 3.1kg's.

I've also finally made plans to leave Sitiawan. I'm off to Perth, Australia on July 10th, just after my birthday, to work in the Oil and Gas industry as a procurement officer. Either Oil and Gas or mining. Both offer excellent pay and work, and both will have me! Can't wait.

Only thing is, I am going by myself to begin with. I need to go first to get work sorted out, find a place to live and a car etc before Dee and my 3 kids come down. That will hopefully be around September/October, or at worst, November/December... all depends on everything working out - which it will.

I'm quite anxious about leaving my family, about being alone down there, but so long as work pans out quickly, I'll keep myself occupied. I intend on joining a flying club there, to get back into my flying, I also want to get back into rockclimbing - a sport I used to do back in NZ. I am looking forward to finding somewhere nice to settle down, to grow some roots etc and making some good friends.

I'll be earning some excellent money, so will be able to visit my mate Hamish in London soon, after putting some money away for the important things!

more later... but I'll keep this up more regularly, especially for my beautiful woman to read my thoughts etc...

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Lots to blog about...

I've got lots to blog about this time.

1. My daughter reached an important milestone (or kilometrestone for us metric users out there!) this week - she asked me to buy her a pony. I almost laughed out loud, but managed to hold it in and with a straight face asked 'where would you put it sweetie?' Sigh, what a moment to reach. Just like in the movies.

2. Our new baby is set to be a boy. I'm stoked, now I've got two sons, and the future of the Winn name looks bright! I'm absolutely delighted to be given another son, but you know, in all honesty, with one each it didn't matter so long as the baby is healthy and ambitious, wants to be a pilot, good looking, tall, and supports the All Blacks (even if they lose, which they do occasionally because I am told they are humans afterall, and not gods like we're led to believe...). Not too much to ask is it?

3. I've been obscenely busy at work, with the end of year crap to sort out. Exams are approaching faster than you want them to, and I've got nasty little students who haven't paid their fees yet so I'm doing the students accounts and sending out little reminders.

4. I've discovered some long lost pals in the form of newly designed piston-single general aviation beauties. I want to buy either a Diamond DA50 or a Cirrus SR22 turbo. Problem is, I don't have the cash, and most of these beauties are in the States. NZ flight schools are too small and poor to have any of these babies, so to get in touch with one I might need to move to Aussie... anyway, here are some photos of these puppies...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

My passions

1. First and foremost, FLYING. I was born to fly. I got my Private Pilot Licence at 21 years old, and have always been a pilot in my mind. I'll fly until I die.

2. Design. Strange I know after flying, but one uses the right side of the brain, the other the left. Balance people, balance.

3. Motorbikes. Jeez, am I a boy or what? I particularly like the Harley Vrod, the Ducati 996, vespa's and really anything that looks good and is reliable.

more later...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Right now I'm struggling... any help?

Today is a weird day. Normally, when I get photo's from home, I'm happy and like to see what's up etc. But today, it's just depressed me no end.

I saw some photo's of friends of ours who have kids the same age as Kaitlyn and Caleb. They used to live here in Sitiawan with us, but have since been sent back to NZ (he's in the Navy). The photo's consisted of them having their Labour weekend break with the kids and what they got up to. Kids playing with sheep, and their eldest, Mathilda, heading off to school (or kindy, not sure, didn't say...). Lovely photos, but made me intensely depressed. That should be me and my kids. That's how I imagined me being a father would be, and what I would be doing with my kids. But I'm here, in Sitiawan Malaysia... and I'm not doing those things.

So what can I do to make myself feel better? There's lots of things to do, but you know, I feel low and I don't want that to end right now. I think it gives me a push to work to get out of here.

There are so many places and things I want to do in life, and I can say this without feeling bad - living in Sitiawan, Malaysia, doesn't help any of those things come true. I don't earn enough money, and it's Malaysian Ringgit. Which translates into nothing overseas. There is no growth here anymore, and right now even NZ doesn't feel all that appealing. It's having major problems with interest rates, low wages, high taxes and unaffordable housing. So how the hell am I supposed to go home and live the better lifestyle I want to???

I'm looking at trying to work in the US. A huge economy, and plenty to go around. NZ just seems too small right now, and too caught up with the rugby - for God's sake, fix the real problems!

Sigh. Just feeling low.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

design design

I've always been a culture vulture - but I'm turning a love into a career. Gimme some love.

These lovely and clearly out-of-my-league beauties are my favourite pieces of design. Names like Le Corbusier, Panton, Mies Van de Rohe, Eero Saarinen and Eames are the pinnacles of 20th century design.

Nothing like a bit of design to make life more interesting. As 'He' once said, 'life is too short for bad design', and 'god is in the details'.

Better than some of the copied, cookie-cutter crap out there which by the way, is all I can afford now with 3 kids. IKEA, here I come. Shite.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Morning sickness, mourning sickness

Dee's really suffering this time round. She just can't eat much, and what she does eat, leaves a bad taste in her mouth which induces nausea... poor thing. I feel for her. Good to be a bloke I tell you!

England just beat France in the semi-final of the Rugby World Cup, and nothing could be worse for the game. England are just boring at rugby, and I couldn't give a hoot about 'ugly, results based rugby'. It's supposed to be a flowing game, with lots of running, passing and speed. Tries make the game fun to watch, and there's no better team that kills that than the English. I hope to hell they get beaten in the final.

It really does seem now that the World Cup is separate from the normal goings on in the world of rugby. I'm over our loss last week, and am looking forward to next year's matches, but the 'Cup' just seems so detached from what countries normally play like, that it's in danger of becoming sidelined - it simply doesn't reflect the rankings of the IRB. If England, world ranked number 8, can get into the final, and the top 3 teams in the world are out, there is something wrong somewhere. An upset here and there is good, and last weekend we all saw that, but England in the final???? Who would have seen that coming??? I bet there have been millions of dollars lost on bets, and no-one is gonna be betting on the next one the way this one's gone.

All that sponsorship money is looking decidedly shaky. Who, if you were a major sporting brand, would you sponsor??? If your team are the world champs, then you can ask your price. But to have the number 1 branded sports team in rugby (number 4 sport internationally - excluding the dear ol' USA sports) out, and the next 2 also out, then who do you sponsor?

Last week it looked good for rugby. This week it looks bad.

Hope my dear wife's morning sickness clears up soon. It sucks even more than an England win.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

need some more funny

this is good!

'The Man Song'

pretty much sums it up yeah?

I like to sing like a SUPERSTAR!

Found this lost in my inbox somewhere... needs to go public.

Sing it out loud:

Indian version of Bohemian Rhapsody

Naan, just killed a man
poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle now he's dead.
Naan, dinner's just begun
But now I'm gonna throw it all away.
Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back from the loo by this time tomorrow
Curry on, curry on
Cause nothing really Madras .
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers down my spine
Bottom aching all the time
Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan, ooh, ooh
This dopiaza is so mild
I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

[guitar solo]

I see a little chicken tikka on the side
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango
Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy
Byriani (Byriani)
Byriani (Byriani)
Byriani and a naan
(A vindaloo loo loo loo)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
Stand you well back
'Case the loo is quarantined...
Here it comes
There it goes
Technicolor yawn
I chunder
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder, it's coming back again
(There he goes)
Coming back again
(up again)
Here it comes again.
(No no no no no no NO)
On my knees, I'm on my knees
On his knees, Oh, there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE!

[guitar solo]

So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
Just had to come out
It just had to come right out in here.

[guitar solo]

[slow bit]
Korma or dopiaza
bhaji, naan or saag
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference
To meee....
(Any way the wind blows....shshshsh)