Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Right now I'm struggling... any help?

Today is a weird day. Normally, when I get photo's from home, I'm happy and like to see what's up etc. But today, it's just depressed me no end.

I saw some photo's of friends of ours who have kids the same age as Kaitlyn and Caleb. They used to live here in Sitiawan with us, but have since been sent back to NZ (he's in the Navy). The photo's consisted of them having their Labour weekend break with the kids and what they got up to. Kids playing with sheep, and their eldest, Mathilda, heading off to school (or kindy, not sure, didn't say...). Lovely photos, but made me intensely depressed. That should be me and my kids. That's how I imagined me being a father would be, and what I would be doing with my kids. But I'm here, in Sitiawan Malaysia... and I'm not doing those things.

So what can I do to make myself feel better? There's lots of things to do, but you know, I feel low and I don't want that to end right now. I think it gives me a push to work to get out of here.

There are so many places and things I want to do in life, and I can say this without feeling bad - living in Sitiawan, Malaysia, doesn't help any of those things come true. I don't earn enough money, and it's Malaysian Ringgit. Which translates into nothing overseas. There is no growth here anymore, and right now even NZ doesn't feel all that appealing. It's having major problems with interest rates, low wages, high taxes and unaffordable housing. So how the hell am I supposed to go home and live the better lifestyle I want to???

I'm looking at trying to work in the US. A huge economy, and plenty to go around. NZ just seems too small right now, and too caught up with the rugby - for God's sake, fix the real problems!

Sigh. Just feeling low.

3 comments:

Simple American said...

Hang in there.

Guess the job situation is pretty good over here at moment. When ya look at the unemployment rate it is so low that them that ain't working is the folks that choose not to. Lazy or don't need to types.

Best of luck in following your dream. My life has not been as I pictured either. God has a sense of humor and laughs at me quite a bit. I try to laugh with him when I can.

MadDog said...

Yeah, God can be a bit of a cheeky bugger can't he? I guess the lesson is to live in the moment, accept what and where you are, and once you start wishing you were somewhere else, you start to feel that feeling of 'lack'. Once you 'choose' to go down that road, it's not gonna make you happy.

I just gotta learn to live right here, right now, and love it. I choose to love it. There you go.

Simple American said...

That's right. Happiness is in the head. And the head goes where the feet go. Movement only changes longitude and latitude, but never touches the attitude.