I think the last 2 weeks I've just been through were the hardest ones emotionally I've ever been through. Even the week before my wedding wasn't as hard as what I've just gone through.
I managed to make myself very ill with all the emotions I was having, and am on antibiotics for a throat infection, a particularly nasty one which gave me an abcess at the back of my throat, making swallowing almost impossible. My blood pressure dived, dizziness hit, chills, cold sweats, you name it. Real mess.
I guess just all the stress and emotions finally took their toll on me. I think my last post was around the beginning of it all, and it shows! What a rant! I'm not sure I wanna delete it or not, as it represents part of what I went through, and although it might seem slightly masochistic to keep it, it's no doubt a good reminder of how weird your mind can get when you're sick!
Just bizarre shit your mind can focus on and blame and all the venomous crap it can come up with... apologies to all my Chinese friends out there... just don't sing karaoke near me yeah?
I'm on the mend now, and feeling a lot more positive about my journey into the unknown. I have pretty much 'let go' of the fear of my kids missing me and me missing them and Diana. I have a more happy, positive and clear image about myself, my situation and how the kids will be without me around for a little while.
I think this is the last time I ever want to go through this again. I'm all for adventure, but next time the kids will be older etc so not as many concerns and worries about them.
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Oh man. Were you getting anxiety kind of ill? I did that when I left the army years ago. Was so worried about what was going to happen without a Sergeant kicking my arse that I shook for two weeks. Bizarre huh.
Just take it easy and those two months will pass and then you can reunite with your family.
Take care. Sorry I have not been blogging so much lately and keeping up on things.
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