what a rollercoaster week...

I think the last 2 weeks I've just been through were the hardest ones emotionally I've ever been through. Even the week before my wedding wasn't as hard as what I've just gone through.

I managed to make myself very ill with all the emotions I was having, and am on antibiotics for a throat infection, a particularly nasty one which gave me an abcess at the back of my throat, making swallowing almost impossible. My blood pressure dived, dizziness hit, chills, cold sweats, you name it. Real mess.
I guess just all the stress and emotions finally took their toll on me. I think my last post was around the beginning of it all, and it shows! What a rant! I'm not sure I wanna delete it or not, as it represents part of what I went through, and although it might seem slightly masochistic to keep it, it's no doubt a good reminder of how weird your mind can get when you're sick!
Just bizarre shit your mind can focus on and blame and all the venomous crap it can come up with... apologies to all my Chinese friends out there... just don't sing karaoke near me yeah?

I'm on the mend now, and feeling a lot more positive about my journey into the unknown. I have pretty much 'let go' of the fear of my kids missing me and me missing them and Diana. I have a more happy, positive and clear image about myself, my situation and how the kids will be without me around for a little while.

I think this is the last time I ever want to go through this again. I'm all for adventure, but next time the kids will be older etc so not as many concerns and worries about them.

Perth and the Olympics...

I leave for Perth in 13 days. I will be there by myself for up to 2 months before the kids and Dee arrive, and to be honest, I'm not looking forward much to being alone again! I thought I'd be really looking forward to full nights of sleep, only looking after myself, eating when I want, watching what I want etc... the typical bachelor lifestyle.
But all I can think about is how much I'm gonna miss my kids and Dee. I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise, but for any of you that know me, I've always been keen for some 'me' time, and now I'm getting as much as I can handle, I don't really want it!
As Oscar Wilde said, 'there are 2 tragedies in life - one is not getting what you want; the other is getting it'. He was so right.

Still, if I get work fast, which I'm sure I will, then I'll have plenty to keep me busy. It's just night time when you notice the quiet!

As for the bloody Olympics, I for one won't be watching a minute. I am sick of China this, China that, China in my bloody face. They shouldn't have been given the games and I don't give a hoot how much money they have or how much face they think they deserve. You have to EARN respect, not demand it.

Am I the only one who is finding it difficult to deal with the Chinese? I mean, here's a culture which is extremely phobic about making an arse of itself and drawing negative attention to itself, but they all sing KARAOKE like no-one's around???????? They're the noisiest buggers around, can't take a joke and are quite happy to tell you you're fat, but GOD forbid if you say they need to reciprocate with a bit of decorum themselves! You'll be vilified for 'offending' the EASILY OFFENSIBLE Chinese.

There are days when they don't seem so bad, and that's most definitely down to my thinking more than anything. I was brought up to believe that Chinese were respectful, quiet (!?!?!?) and conservative. The last one is for sure! But they ARE getting better, albeit the younger generation finally giving the older one the heave-ho for good. But as Prince Charles famously put it, during the 'Great Chinese Take-Away' of 1997, the leaders of China are just a bunch of 'boring old waxworks who clap at the appropriate moment'. Not a single one of them would have an individual thought or opinion.

Anyway, that's enough ranting about them, so I intend to focus on things I like and want, not the other way around. And please, Westerners, stop selling them everything we value just because they have some fucking money! Do what's right, not what's easy. Go to school, learn to spell and write, and stop selling yourselves to the highest bidder! Do you honestly think the Chinese would???


sigh. That feels better. Beer anyone?

The Secret of Life

Just read 'The Secret'. The Law of Attraction works. Absolutely.

Whatever you focus your attention and energy on, good or bad, is what you will get.

Ask yourself constantly, 'is this what I REALLY want?' If what you're thinking about is something you don't want, shift your focus to what you DO want. Allow it to happen. Believe it WILL happen and don't worry about HOW it happens.

Practice this always. You will change your life because you are now in control of creating your world. You are now responsible for your life. Whatever bad is happening in your life right now is because you asked it to happen. You focussed on it enough and believed in it enough for it to happen.

Focus on what you want and you will get it.

Simple. Powerful. Empowering.

um, that was a while...

Howdy everyone,

That was a bit of a wee break from the last post eh? A bit has happened since then... finally had a new baby, a girl, my dear little Keira Nadine Winn. Born May 11th at 1.46am and 3.1kg's.

I've also finally made plans to leave Sitiawan. I'm off to Perth, Australia on July 10th, just after my birthday, to work in the Oil and Gas industry as a procurement officer. Either Oil and Gas or mining. Both offer excellent pay and work, and both will have me! Can't wait.

Only thing is, I am going by myself to begin with. I need to go first to get work sorted out, find a place to live and a car etc before Dee and my 3 kids come down. That will hopefully be around September/October, or at worst, November/December... all depends on everything working out - which it will.

I'm quite anxious about leaving my family, about being alone down there, but so long as work pans out quickly, I'll keep myself occupied. I intend on joining a flying club there, to get back into my flying, I also want to get back into rockclimbing - a sport I used to do back in NZ. I am looking forward to finding somewhere nice to settle down, to grow some roots etc and making some good friends.

I'll be earning some excellent money, so will be able to visit my mate Hamish in London soon, after putting some money away for the important things!

more later... but I'll keep this up more regularly, especially for my beautiful woman to read my thoughts etc...

Lots to blog about...

I've got lots to blog about this time.

1. My daughter reached an important milestone (or kilometrestone for us metric users out there!) this week - she asked me to buy her a pony. I almost laughed out loud, but managed to hold it in and with a straight face asked 'where would you put it sweetie?' Sigh, what a moment to reach. Just like in the movies.

2. Our new baby is set to be a boy. I'm stoked, now I've got two sons, and the future of the Winn name looks bright! I'm absolutely delighted to be given another son, but you know, in all honesty, with one each it didn't matter so long as the baby is healthy and ambitious, wants to be a pilot, good looking, tall, and supports the All Blacks (even if they lose, which they do occasionally because I am told they are humans afterall, and not gods like we're led to believe...). Not too much to ask is it?

3. I've been obscenely busy at work, with the end of year crap to sort out. Exams are approaching faster than you want them to, and I've got nasty little students who haven't paid their fees yet so I'm doing the students accounts and sending out little reminders.

4. I've discovered some long lost pals in the form of newly designed piston-single general aviation beauties. I want to buy either a Diamond DA50 or a Cirrus SR22 turbo. Problem is, I don't have the cash, and most of these beauties are in the States. NZ flight schools are too small and poor to have any of these babies, so to get in touch with one I might need to move to Aussie... anyway, here are some photos of these puppies...

My passions

1. First and foremost, FLYING. I was born to fly. I got my Private Pilot Licence at 21 years old, and have always been a pilot in my mind. I'll fly until I die.

2. Design. Strange I know after flying, but one uses the right side of the brain, the other the left. Balance people, balance.

3. Motorbikes. Jeez, am I a boy or what? I particularly like the Harley Vrod, the Ducati 996, vespa's and really anything that looks good and is reliable.

more later...

Right now I'm struggling... any help?

Today is a weird day. Normally, when I get photo's from home, I'm happy and like to see what's up etc. But today, it's just depressed me no end.

I saw some photo's of friends of ours who have kids the same age as Kaitlyn and Caleb. They used to live here in Sitiawan with us, but have since been sent back to NZ (he's in the Navy). The photo's consisted of them having their Labour weekend break with the kids and what they got up to. Kids playing with sheep, and their eldest, Mathilda, heading off to school (or kindy, not sure, didn't say...). Lovely photos, but made me intensely depressed. That should be me and my kids. That's how I imagined me being a father would be, and what I would be doing with my kids. But I'm here, in Sitiawan Malaysia... and I'm not doing those things.

So what can I do to make myself feel better? There's lots of things to do, but you know, I feel low and I don't want that to end right now. I think it gives me a push to work to get out of here.

There are so many places and things I want to do in life, and I can say this without feeling bad - living in Sitiawan, Malaysia, doesn't help any of those things come true. I don't earn enough money, and it's Malaysian Ringgit. Which translates into nothing overseas. There is no growth here anymore, and right now even NZ doesn't feel all that appealing. It's having major problems with interest rates, low wages, high taxes and unaffordable housing. So how the hell am I supposed to go home and live the better lifestyle I want to???

I'm looking at trying to work in the US. A huge economy, and plenty to go around. NZ just seems too small right now, and too caught up with the rugby - for God's sake, fix the real problems!

Sigh. Just feeling low.

design design

I've always been a culture vulture - but I'm turning a love into a career. Gimme some love.

These lovely and clearly out-of-my-league beauties are my favourite pieces of design. Names like Le Corbusier, Panton, Mies Van de Rohe, Eero Saarinen and Eames are the pinnacles of 20th century design.

Nothing like a bit of design to make life more interesting. As 'He' once said, 'life is too short for bad design', and 'god is in the details'.

Better than some of the copied, cookie-cutter crap out there which by the way, is all I can afford now with 3 kids. IKEA, here I come. Shite.

Morning sickness, mourning sickness

Dee's really suffering this time round. She just can't eat much, and what she does eat, leaves a bad taste in her mouth which induces nausea... poor thing. I feel for her. Good to be a bloke I tell you!

England just beat France in the semi-final of the Rugby World Cup, and nothing could be worse for the game. England are just boring at rugby, and I couldn't give a hoot about 'ugly, results based rugby'. It's supposed to be a flowing game, with lots of running, passing and speed. Tries make the game fun to watch, and there's no better team that kills that than the English. I hope to hell they get beaten in the final.

It really does seem now that the World Cup is separate from the normal goings on in the world of rugby. I'm over our loss last week, and am looking forward to next year's matches, but the 'Cup' just seems so detached from what countries normally play like, that it's in danger of becoming sidelined - it simply doesn't reflect the rankings of the IRB. If England, world ranked number 8, can get into the final, and the top 3 teams in the world are out, there is something wrong somewhere. An upset here and there is good, and last weekend we all saw that, but England in the final???? Who would have seen that coming??? I bet there have been millions of dollars lost on bets, and no-one is gonna be betting on the next one the way this one's gone.

All that sponsorship money is looking decidedly shaky. Who, if you were a major sporting brand, would you sponsor??? If your team are the world champs, then you can ask your price. But to have the number 1 branded sports team in rugby (number 4 sport internationally - excluding the dear ol' USA sports) out, and the next 2 also out, then who do you sponsor?

Last week it looked good for rugby. This week it looks bad.

Hope my dear wife's morning sickness clears up soon. It sucks even more than an England win.

need some more funny

this is good!

'The Man Song'

pretty much sums it up yeah?

I like to sing like a SUPERSTAR!

Found this lost in my inbox somewhere... needs to go public.

Sing it out loud:

Indian version of Bohemian Rhapsody

Naan, just killed a man
poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle now he's dead.
Naan, dinner's just begun
But now I'm gonna throw it all away.
Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back from the loo by this time tomorrow
Curry on, curry on
Cause nothing really Madras .
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers down my spine
Bottom aching all the time
Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan, ooh, ooh
This dopiaza is so mild
I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

[guitar solo]

I see a little chicken tikka on the side
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango
Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy
Meat!
Byriani (Byriani)
Byriani (Byriani)
Byriani and a naan
(A vindaloo loo loo loo)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
Stand you well back
'Case the loo is quarantined...
Here it comes
There it goes
Technicolor yawn
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder, it's coming back again
(There he goes)
Coming back again
(up again)
Here it comes again.
(No no no no no no NO)
On my knees, I'm on my knees
On his knees, Oh, there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE!

[guitar solo]

So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
Just had to come out
It just had to come right out in here.

[guitar solo]

[slow bit]
Korma or dopiaza
bhaji, naan or saag
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference
To meee....
(Any way the wind blows....shshshsh)

LOVIN' IT!

Good on France

Well done France. You played an amazing game with passion and did the unthinkable (and in nz, the unforgivable!), you beat the All Blacks after 7 straight whippings. And in a World Cup quarterfinal too. I am blown away.

The game of rugby is better off for the result. If the game, and the World Cup, had followed the script, it would have been nice for us kiwi's, but boring for everyone else. France and England did the game a service by beating the top 2 favourites for the tournament on a monumental weekend of rugby.

It's not easy being a Kiwi right now, because so much of our national identity is tied up with the AB's, but you know, the more we lose these important games, the more we are forced to find other ways to identify ourselves internationally. And that is crucial for a country to mature (and it's people I might add...).

I have been down the last few days, and I think that's ok. And it's important to get the feelings off the chest. But I've heard of people giving death threats to the ref, and that's just not on. It guts you no end to lose, but shit, at the end of the day, there are more things to worry about, and more importantly, more things to look forward to.

I feel for the boys in the team. They put 4 long, hard years into preparing for that tournament, and got the worst result for an All Blacks team yet in it. They are gutted. They were ashamed to come home! But it's amazing what a few days of mourning will do. Once you get out of your own head, you can begin to think of others. I was really ashamed to be a Kiwi to begin with, but now I realise that there is much more to being a New Zealander than just the rugby.

Although it holds an important place inside, it's not all I am. And that's what we need to remember. Every country feels loss and hurt through different sports, but they keep on going. And so will we.

Good on ya France, you buggers!

Me thinks I have rugby on the brain

Well, as anyone who's read either my blog or my wife's blog will know, the Rugby World Cup starts this weekend... it's been 4 long years of waiting, living with George 'little Shit' Gregan's famous sledge '4 more years boys, 4 more years'.

We're favourites again, and I think no one on earth knows better than Kiwi's just how little that matters at the World Cup. I think NZ has been the favourite to win the thing at just about every occasion, but we've only won it once. 1987. 20 years ago. It's been a long time between drinks...

No one I know is predicting an easy tournament, and you'd be daft to. Australia's forte is upsetting everyone's plans just when it hurts most, and the South Africans are in form at last. France (the hosts) will have the home-team advantage, but have been so-so lately, but never discount them. England will find this World Cup a big stretch, they're just not up to par at the moment.

But one thing the World Cup does, more than any other tournament, is bring the best out of a team. And it seems the All Blacks matches are the ones everyone brings their 'A' game to. I guess that's a sign of respect, but it sure has broken our hearts many times too. The 'knockout' stages sure have an apt name.

I am predicting the All Blacks to get to the final, but who they meet is purely a guess. I would say South Africa, a rematch of the 1995 final, and the final score to be 35-12 to the AB's.

But the AB's will get a fright in the semi-final against Australia. But unlike 2003, we'll come out on top. Then it'll be just a case of someone saying to George 'little shit' Gregan, 'All over mate, all over'!

I am personally just downright gratified that Astro is showing the tournament at all! I mean, there must be some soccer games they've had to not show to put it on, and that would have been tough for them! In a soccer mad (but really they're useless at playing it for real) country, I've been rugby starved for the last year, so no one, and I mean no one, can have a go at me for getting a little giddy with this tournament!

As for the Haka (which my beautiful wife continually misspells), I get the chills just watching it. It's a tradition, it's awesome and it's ours. 4 million NZers on earth, and we're NO. 1.

5 more days till Rugby World Cup!!!

Maddog is getting so excited that he can't stop grinning, thinking about it! Hm.. what's the deal with Men and their sports??? He is even thinking of starting a meditation groups to meditate on the 50 - 0 hiding over the French!

I remember my parents in law warning me, this was when we first started going out, they told me, if All Black loses the title, 'LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR A FEW HOURS, OR EVEN DAYS!' hmm...

~Chiwi~

trucks

So in the Star newspaper today, I see that another Brit is travelling around the world in an unusual way. They have a tendency to do that. But what made me read it was the caption about how NZ trukkies were the worst he had seen in the world. I couldn't agree more, much as it pains me.
I think truck drivers the world over have an overly aggressive attitude, otherwise who would wanna drive such a lumbering and inconvenient piece of shit such as a truck?
Either that, or it's a case of 'small-penis-syndrome' and trying to be the biggest guy around.

Regardless of ALL the regulations and enforcement of trucks in NZ, it still baffles me how they can be seen as the worst - albeit just one guy's opinion. I mean, I live in Malaysia, and trust me, the trucks here make the kiwi one's look good. But still, I don't compare NZ to Malaysia when it comes to road stats...

I was in NZ during Feb (as if you didn't know), and did some driving around. I encountered many trucks, but to me, they were as well behaved as you could imagine. But I have to say, that was more my view in relation to my experiences of Malaysian trucks.

Regardless, something needs to be done to limit the trucks on NZ roads, indeed everywhere. If someone out there has a good idea for something which will replace trucks, then lets hear it.

sickness and light

crap... I'm sick. That one where your body gets all tender, and your joints hate to move. It started last night at about 8pm, at the start of one of my classes. I think I must have looked like quasimodo in the corner, cos I hardly said a word all night. Thank god that they had some writing and revision to do! I doubt I could have told the difference between any of the grammar tenses, subtle nuances etc...

Today, I've been spending the day outside, cos I feel nice and warm! It's times like this that I'm glad I'm not in NZ... bloody cold!

I think it began because yesterday I was a painter. I mean, I was painting the house, the school and myself. I picked my nose today (as you do) and pulled out some paint and chips from sanding down the wall... think that's how I got sick... snorting paint fumes all day...

crap... and no high either. Just a major loooooow...

So, I am resorting to a medicine which I know works wonders on low energy and a slow brain - coke. Since I've given up alcohol (3 weeks now and not missing it a bit), I've rediscovered coke, however, I must remain vigilant, and not let it get carried away. I must have a predisposition to addiction... all at once or not at all seems to be my way.

cheerio!

My Daemon Skaene

street names

A loooong time ago, in fact the first week I moved here to little ol' Sitiawan, I encountered a uniquely Malaysian problem. Street names, or the lack of them.

I was looking for some food for my darling wife, and was a little lost. I rang her and she asked me where I was. I looked, looked and looked for a road sign. None. Malaysians aren't too fond of naming roads. And when they do, they put the sign rather low, so that if a car is parked in front of it, you would be hard pressed to see it.

However, fortune was on my side, and I saw the sign I was looking for. I told Dee 'Jalan Sehala', thinking I was rather clever... she said 'yeah, but where?' 'Jalan Sehala woman!' 'Do you know how many 'Jalan Sehala' there are??? That means one-way white man!'... needless to say I was still lost.

The Fuzz...

Riding to work this morning, on the 150 scooter, I came around a corner and lo, there was the fuzz. No signs, no cones, just 4 blokes waiting to catch naughty bike riders without helmets etc. Or so I thought...

I was signalled to pull over, just routine(!), and was expecting to answer the usual questions about my licence etc. However, as soon as the first fuzz saw my skin colour (oh, Putih!), he promptly told me to 'go go go'. I duly said thanks, and took off. They were looking for some 'duit kopi' I'm sure. I think the Chinese dude next to me said a quiet 'thanks' to my presence too because he was shooed away also!

I also noticed they didn't have their normal 'saya anti-rasuah' badges on. Guess it was 'saya rasuah' after all! Hehehe... hope they get a pay-rise soon, cos they obviously can't afford to live on what they earn now!

I don't really blame them these days, although I still frown on it. I can see both sides of the problem. At least it wasn't a completely boring morning eh?

been a long time...

It's been a long time between blogs...

I think I just wanted to leave it alone, and still pretend I was in New Zealand...

Well, it was a great trip, with family and friends having a ball at my sister's wedding. Unfortunately, she and her new husband came down with dengue fever while on honeymoon! Only a few weeks later, she also had her appendix rupture. She was admitted to hospital, went thru the usual checks, and was promptly given an operation to take it out. Of course, with the lack of investment in New Zealand's health system (like almost every other country), she was discharged too soon, and that resulted in her having a major infection. More antibiotics, drips and pain. She's better now, but after 2 months of trouble.

Things have been interesting here in Malaysia too. I've resumed my studies, now that I have more time, I've been getting to the gym more regularly and I've given up alcohol. That last one is definitely gonna be hard when all the usual holidays come knocking, but I really feel that it's time.

There has been the usual laughable politics here, by (buy)-elections and political disasters which will always be ignored or swept under the carpet. Honestly, if they offered me permanent residence here tomorrow, I'd insist on the right to run for parliament. If they didn't allow me to do that, I'd say 'no thanks, you can keep your PR - I only want to live in a country where I can make a difference and am appreciated'.

The kids are good, getting into constant mischief. Caleb is learning to speak more words, and Kaitlyn is beginning to do as she's told! Not easy for little princess, but I'm not bringing up another Paris Hilton! There are enough spoilt brats here.

Hope everyone's been well, and if you have been waiting for another blog from me, sorry for the delay. I simply couldn't get the motivation up to write about anything!