I think the last 2 weeks I've just been through were the hardest ones emotionally I've ever been through. Even the week before my wedding wasn't as hard as what I've just gone through.
I managed to make myself very ill with all the emotions I was having, and am on antibiotics for a throat infection, a particularly nasty one which gave me an abcess at the back of my throat, making swallowing almost impossible. My blood pressure dived, dizziness hit, chills, cold sweats, you name it. Real mess.
I guess just all the stress and emotions finally took their toll on me. I think my last post was around the beginning of it all, and it shows! What a rant! I'm not sure I wanna delete it or not, as it represents part of what I went through, and although it might seem slightly masochistic to keep it, it's no doubt a good reminder of how weird your mind can get when you're sick!
Just bizarre shit your mind can focus on and blame and all the venomous crap it can come up with... apologies to all my Chinese friends out there... just don't sing karaoke near me yeah?
I'm on the mend now, and feeling a lot more positive about my journey into the unknown. I have pretty much 'let go' of the fear of my kids missing me and me missing them and Diana. I have a more happy, positive and clear image about myself, my situation and how the kids will be without me around for a little while.
I think this is the last time I ever want to go through this again. I'm all for adventure, but next time the kids will be older etc so not as many concerns and worries about them.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, August 01, 2008
Perth and the Olympics...
I leave for Perth in 13 days. I will be there by myself for up to 2 months before the kids and Dee arrive, and to be honest, I'm not looking forward much to being alone again! I thought I'd be really looking forward to full nights of sleep, only looking after myself, eating when I want, watching what I want etc... the typical bachelor lifestyle.
But all I can think about is how much I'm gonna miss my kids and Dee. I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise, but for any of you that know me, I've always been keen for some 'me' time, and now I'm getting as much as I can handle, I don't really want it!
As Oscar Wilde said, 'there are 2 tragedies in life - one is not getting what you want; the other is getting it'. He was so right.
Still, if I get work fast, which I'm sure I will, then I'll have plenty to keep me busy. It's just night time when you notice the quiet!
As for the bloody Olympics, I for one won't be watching a minute. I am sick of China this, China that, China in my bloody face. They shouldn't have been given the games and I don't give a hoot how much money they have or how much face they think they deserve. You have to EARN respect, not demand it.
Am I the only one who is finding it difficult to deal with the Chinese? I mean, here's a culture which is extremely phobic about making an arse of itself and drawing negative attention to itself, but they all sing KARAOKE like no-one's around???????? They're the noisiest buggers around, can't take a joke and are quite happy to tell you you're fat, but GOD forbid if you say they need to reciprocate with a bit of decorum themselves! You'll be vilified for 'offending' the EASILY OFFENSIBLE Chinese.
There are days when they don't seem so bad, and that's most definitely down to my thinking more than anything. I was brought up to believe that Chinese were respectful, quiet (!?!?!?) and conservative. The last one is for sure! But they ARE getting better, albeit the younger generation finally giving the older one the heave-ho for good. But as Prince Charles famously put it, during the 'Great Chinese Take-Away' of 1997, the leaders of China are just a bunch of 'boring old waxworks who clap at the appropriate moment'. Not a single one of them would have an individual thought or opinion.
Anyway, that's enough ranting about them, so I intend to focus on things I like and want, not the other way around. And please, Westerners, stop selling them everything we value just because they have some fucking money! Do what's right, not what's easy. Go to school, learn to spell and write, and stop selling yourselves to the highest bidder! Do you honestly think the Chinese would???
sigh. That feels better. Beer anyone?
But all I can think about is how much I'm gonna miss my kids and Dee. I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise, but for any of you that know me, I've always been keen for some 'me' time, and now I'm getting as much as I can handle, I don't really want it!
As Oscar Wilde said, 'there are 2 tragedies in life - one is not getting what you want; the other is getting it'. He was so right.
Still, if I get work fast, which I'm sure I will, then I'll have plenty to keep me busy. It's just night time when you notice the quiet!
As for the bloody Olympics, I for one won't be watching a minute. I am sick of China this, China that, China in my bloody face. They shouldn't have been given the games and I don't give a hoot how much money they have or how much face they think they deserve. You have to EARN respect, not demand it.
Am I the only one who is finding it difficult to deal with the Chinese? I mean, here's a culture which is extremely phobic about making an arse of itself and drawing negative attention to itself, but they all sing KARAOKE like no-one's around???????? They're the noisiest buggers around, can't take a joke and are quite happy to tell you you're fat, but GOD forbid if you say they need to reciprocate with a bit of decorum themselves! You'll be vilified for 'offending' the EASILY OFFENSIBLE Chinese.
There are days when they don't seem so bad, and that's most definitely down to my thinking more than anything. I was brought up to believe that Chinese were respectful, quiet (!?!?!?) and conservative. The last one is for sure! But they ARE getting better, albeit the younger generation finally giving the older one the heave-ho for good. But as Prince Charles famously put it, during the 'Great Chinese Take-Away' of 1997, the leaders of China are just a bunch of 'boring old waxworks who clap at the appropriate moment'. Not a single one of them would have an individual thought or opinion.
Anyway, that's enough ranting about them, so I intend to focus on things I like and want, not the other way around. And please, Westerners, stop selling them everything we value just because they have some fucking money! Do what's right, not what's easy. Go to school, learn to spell and write, and stop selling yourselves to the highest bidder! Do you honestly think the Chinese would???
sigh. That feels better. Beer anyone?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
